On the Road Again

These pictures were taken in 2005. This was probably the most uncomfortable driving trip ever. My husband James (then boyfriend) had a finger that swelled to like triple it's size. While his finger was still somewhat abnormal the doctors gave him antibiotics and saw him before we left for our trip to visit my parents for a vacation in Alabama. Well, the doctors believed that the antibiotics they gave him would fix the problem. So we began on our trip to Alabama. Since James was on heavy antibiotics and pain relievers he couldn't drive.

Yup that meant 15 hours of me going nuts driving and listening to James on drugs. Not to mention looking at his hand getting worse and worse by the hour. I guess the doctors were wrong, he needed different antibiotics! And his finger was HUGE! I felt stuck because I literally couldn't do anything but drive. After we got to Alabama we decided to take James into the ER where it was another 8 hours before he was seen and treated. They fixed him and shot him with the big antibiotics which seemed to work. But boy was it an awful painful experience for him. I felt so bad that he endured all that pain just to come on vacation with me. And amidst all this he managed to go on a walk with my parents on the beach and ask if he could have my hand in marriage. He's a wonderful man, and very determined :) I love him very much!

Now James' finger is back to normal and today I was reminded of horrible driving experiences because I just spent a total of 3 and 1/2 hours (at the least) on the road in my car. Yet I somehow only had to travel about 15 miles :) Gotta love the city at 5pm....

That experience I had of driving to Alabama made this one look no so bad in comparision :)

Overwhelmed much?

It seems like lately I've been feeling a little overwhelmed. There is so much that I have on my list of "I would like to do's" that by the time I am done with the "have to's" I'm just plain tuckered out. I've also been facing some big decisions as of recently, and I really need God's guidance to help me with my/our decisions.

This verse rings true for me today "...do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 4:6-7. I was also reading Abba's Child again today and this part struck me..."When we accept the truth of what we really are and surrender it to Jesus Christ, we are enveloped in peace, whether or not we feel ourselves to be at peace. By that I mean the peace that passes understanding is not a subjective sensation of peace; if we are in Christ, we are in peace even when we feel no peace."

My bad habits tend to lead me to feel anxious, because instead of turning to God and trusting in Him and His will, I try to handle it all myself or figure everything out as quickly as possible. This is a lesson I just keep on needing to learn. I feel like I am constantly learning to wait for the Lord, and His provision because it is perfect. His will is perfect. And no matter how anxious I get, or how much planning I do, it will never be good enough. God is more than good enough for me, and through him there is PEACE. Even if I'm not quite feeling the peace, I know that when I am giving my life (all of it including my plans and control) to Him, there is peace regardless of what my life looks like or feels like at that moment. And THAT quiets my anxious thoughts and gives me the rest and discernment I need.

Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment and was given a shot. It really made my arm hurt it's still sore and the person who took my blood did not do a great job. I have a huge bruise where the blood was drawn and that hurt a lot too :) Later James and I went to church and I had an interview for a position. (I've decided not to say what the position was for until I am ready to share with everyone.) But I would greatly appreciate prayers to give me insight on this position. I am going to another meeting this week to discuss the position, we will see what God has in store for me :)

Today I was incredibly busy and tired at work. I think the shot I received yesterday made me feel a little sick today. By the time 2pm rolled around I felt like I was going to get sick for real! But I'm definitely feeling better now. I'm planning on getting a game night together with some friends this week. I'm looking forward to seeing some of our friends that we don't see to often. I've also been trying to reach some of my friends via phone with no luck. I miss my girls so much! I hope I will have luck connecting with them soon! Not much else is new, I'm going to get back to American Idol now :) God bless!

Clumsy Me! :)

Today I managed to get 5 cuts. One on my toe this morning from the closet and the other four on my hands at work from paper! I wonder what my life would be like without all my clumsy moments. I can still see some asphalt in my knee from when I fell in the high school parking lot! How embarrassing! :) Seems like I'm always falling, bumping, or scraping myself on something. Not purposely, of course. It's not my fault... The paper always seems like its out to get me.... and today the closet door totally jumped out and bit my toe! :)

Perspectives

This picture was taken this past summer on a trip James and I took to a bed and breakfast. I like the perspective it has... right there in that spot I am looking down on 3 different states! It's interesting how things all come together, and totally change your perspective.

Right now I am reading Abba's Child. I found it in my room when I went home to Michigan for a visit this past weekend. The first couple of chapters are very intriguing. I found myself pondering Manning's words as I was scarfing carrots on my short lunch break.

Here were my thoughts: How many times do we perform and put on a false self for security? Instead of identifying our weaknesses, we cover them up and hide them from God. Our weaknesses are like bruises that we would rather cover up. They are sensitive areas. Our bruises need healing and they won't just disappear, it takes time. We find our bruises ugly and pretend we are just as strong with them as we were without them. We might even think that if we have bruises we are un-loved. Well we need not buy in to these lies. God loves us bruises and all! There is freedom and healing in giving our weaknesses to Him. Do not be afraid of knowing him deeply and opening yourself up to discover yourself more.

I realized that I need to keep my perspective in check, and remind myself that I am His. He calls us His beloved, and beckons us to believe it.

Today was a sleepy day. I was grumpy this morning. ... who wants to hear "hurry-up" in the morning? Our schedules have been really busy these last couple of weeks. I've been getting very little sleep and fighting an inevitable cold. So I'm blaming these extremities :)

Interesting story from the Kanka household:

Yesterday I got home from work as quickly as I could so James could use my car. (His car's battery died and we haven't fixed it yet.) Well little did I know while I was visiting Michigan this weekend, James had eaten most of the food in the apartment. We don't keep massive quantities of food around...so it's not that crazy... but, there wasn't very much left when I came home from work and I was stranded without a car...I didn't want to waste money ordering a delivery and I couldn't go anywhere so... I found a large but overlooked yam in our cupboard. I ate a yam for dinner...mmm. Not so balanced but definitely filled me up. :) Ha!

No worries though, today we went to the grocery store before James went to church for a video project. Yay! Real food!!!

Saturday Feb. 10, 2007

So it's Saturday night and I sent my husband to go out and have a guys night. I was on the computer and realized that yet again it has been too long since I've updated my blog. Today we bought some used bedroom furniture and I am so happy to finally have a large dresser and a head and foot board for the bed! Yay! But the down side is that I now have to finally pick up all the clothes I've left lying around waiting for a dresser. Ha!

One thing I realized last week, is that James and I have been married for almost a year!!! The year mark is fast approaching.... crazy! It's exciting! James and I started going to a new church and we are looking forward to going to bible studies too. My job is not that fun, and I would love a change of pace. I hate feeling like I'm the one that gets to all the stuff no one else wants to. I've heard, on the down low, that I could be getting placed into a more specific marketing job soon. But we'll see if or when that happens. In the meantime I am definitely wide open to any opportunities coming my way.

The other day at work another lady who works down the hall from me was on the exact same schedule I was. (Which is really very odd). Every time I went in to use the restroom, there she was. She was either walking out as I was walking in or we would meet when we were washing hands. It was so weird! It happened 4 times that day, and not at regular or set times!!! So strange! Also at work people are dropping like flies, catching sicknesses. Ewe! I really don't want to get sick, there are so many people going home sick though I think it's coming for me soon!

Lately I've been doing a lot of reading during my lunch hour. I was reading in 1 Corinthians. I was stuck by the realizations that in Moses' time. God showed his people his presence through a cloud. And this is what I was reading chapter 10 verses 3-5. " and all ate the same spiritual food, and all drank the same spiritual drink. For they drank from the spiritual Rock that followed them , and the Rock was Christ. Nevertheless, with most of them God was not pleased, for they were overthrown in the wilderness."

These people experienced miracles from God right in front of their eyes and God spoke to them through Moses, yet still they could not see. They heard but did not listen. The were lost in the "wilderness". Later in the passage Paul writes, "Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. " And of course there is way more to the passage. But it definitely struck me that day.

How often do I get "overthrown in the wilderness" of my own life. How many times do I choose not to stand in Christ, and instead stand in my own pursuits. And how many more of those times do I fail? God's arms are open wide and He sent his Son Jesus Christ to me so that I no longer have to wander aimlessly. Through Him there are GREAT things waiting. So many times I choose to forget on purpose. It is selfish and I become so vulnerable to sin. How often do we get comfortable with where we are and think we are just fine, and that we have a handle on our sin and temptations? Lately I have felt like I am too comfortable with where I am, and like I am not seeking God as much as I should. I need to look to Jesus and not lean on my own puny 24yrs. of wisdom and strength. God has surpassing wisdom and through Him are all things. Why not go to God?

Well I might be jumping around a bit but hopefully you get my train of thought. I am quite sleepy from all the moving action today. I still have to get the dishes done today... we have not one clean spoon in the whole apartment!!! The cups are almost scarce too!!!! God bless everyone!